


Teach Me To Not Fear

by ElmiDol



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Eventual Sex, F/M, Master/Apprentice, Tag As I Go, apprentice reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2020-10-25 16:54:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20727584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElmiDol/pseuds/ElmiDol
Summary: As you learned the Mystic Arts, you couldn’t help but develop feelings for a certain Master





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still pretty new to the MCU fandom, so feel free to offer pointers and constructive criticism.
> 
> This was originally going to be a long one-shot of approximately 12k words, however has been divided into five parts that will range from 3k to 4k words each.

**Teach Me To Not Fear**

** _Part 1 of 5_ **

_ elmidol _

The beauty of nature, of the world around you, had never failed to capture your attention. The smallest insect, every atom, all of it had a purpose. You had at one point studied what others referred to as  _ the butterfly effect _ . A change that may seem insignificant instead altering so much more. Not that you had any means of time travel. Still, those were the sorts of films and stories that ensnared your mind.  _ About Time _ and  _ Doctor Who _ were among your favorites, although  _ Star Trek _ equally held an appeal. In both the books and films,  _ Harry Potter _ had explored time travel and how one was to refrain from interfering with events. Your mind more often returned to  _ Star Trek _ and  _ Doctor Who _ with their alternate realities. You liked to imagine that this was, in fact, a truth.

It was this train of thought that had inspired in you a desire to change your life and the way you lived it. You wished to look beyond what was visible to the naked eye. To do so, you had decided to look inwards.

Several years had elapsed since you had first meditated, which you had originally done to improve your health—physical, mental, and emotional. Even then you could remember the first time that you had sat down in a quiet room to meditate. It had reminded you of  _ About Time _ , which had resulted in you clenching your hands into fists and squeezing your eyes closed before catching yourself. Shaking your head, you had regathered your composure, inhaled, and slowly exhaled a steady stream of air while mentally counting down from ten to zero.

There had been a strong sense of nervousness that had built up in you from warnings that you had received occasionally since childhood. Friends and family alike who had not fully understood what it meant to meditate or else had strict views. Some of them had spoken of religious roots as well as what you could potentially be opening yourself up to. Those concerns had caused a delay between your decision to meditate and your actually sitting down to do so. And thus there you had been, squeezing your hands for a second time before forcing another sense of calm. It was much easier to relax after pushing those doubts from the forefront of your mind.

You had closed your eyes after successfully willing yourself to relax, and concentrated on keeping your breathing level. The Jedi had meditated, you had told yourself. There was no reason to worry. Being calm, not doubting yourself—that was what felt important to you. Slowly, you allowed even that to drift away. Extending beyond yourself, listening to the sounds of nature around you. The chirping insects. The light breeze that rustled leaves. Soon, none of that stood out, nothing drawing you away from the calm that you began to find inside of yourself as you turned inward.

At one point, you had realized that your breathing had become more strained, and you had worked to pull yourself back to the present. Your eyes shifting behind your eyelids. It had taken you a little longer to catch your breath and fully relax your systems. That session had been shorter than you had intended, however you had not wanted to push yourself either. Still, it gave you the confidence to continue with your plans to make this a permanent practice in your life.

You consulted texts, both online pages and books, to better understand several forms of meditation. Some did stem from religious views, while others focused on reducing negative traits such as anxiety. You experimented with these to best find what felt  _ right _ . Your research had also led you to find numerous group pages, some of which contained private chatrooms. You opted to stay away from signing up with those pages. Instead you used a social media account, a secondary one on your favorite platform, to follow other accounts that focused on meditation along with others that delved into topics that included lucid dreaming. For some of those accounts, they explored fads and whatever ensured their account was trending. A few of these you decided to unfollow. They had become less helpful, plus you were growing more confident in your own abilities.

One account in particular, however, you found yourself interacting with its two co-owners. One of them was younger than you by two years while the other individual was older by four months. It became easy to engage with them; most of their posts had a ‘question of the day’ that you at times answered on the platform or otherwise wrote down in a journal that you had begun to keep. Their user handle was  _ artistsofmystyk _ , which had been in part inspired by the fact that the younger was quite a talented graphic artist. She had been injured when she had been a child, and it had been during her path to healing that she had become interested in the Astral Dimension. You had heard of this before, yet it was one of those things that you hadn’t ever truly given much thought to. Though you discussed it from time to time with her, you remained indifferent—at least for the time being you wanted to focus on something a little more surface level.

It was the previously spoken fears of your friends and family members that hindered you, holding you back when they reared their ugly heads as you observed the attack in New York. The proof that there beings out there beyond what humans on a wide scale had known, that had put things into perspective for you. It had cemented that your friend, when she discussed her experiences in the Astral Dimension, those were not simple fantasies. A large part of you still did want to explore that. But the fear of being hurt as you had been warned…

More accounts popped up regarding the supernatural, the Astral Dimension and aliens. It was even more of a fad. You received multiple friend requests on your side account. This behavior dissuaded you from continuing with your own studies for the better part of a month. You would pop on every now and again to communicate with the two individuals you viewed as friends.

The younger of the  _ artistsofmystyk _ owners encouraged you to not give up. She told you that it was different, your interest compared with that of a large number of the newer accounts. Yours was genuine, wanting to better know yourself in comparison with everything else. A lot of the others, they proved their willful ignorance time and again. Perpetuated negative stereotypes. Your relationship deepened to where you exchanged numbers with the account owner, which then allowed you to avoid the social media platform with its increased drama.

You tended to make up excuses as to why you were not delving in beyond the surface level anymore. Tani said that she understood, and she never pushed you. There were times when several days or a week and a half would go by between text messages or calls. This was not to say that either of you neglected the other; for both of you, life had become more busy with work and schooling. You had taken Tani’s advice to at least keep a journal of the lucid dreams you would occasionally have. Some of those terrified you. The weight that you would feel, as though you could barely breathe. There was something that was, if you had to give it a label,  _ dark _ . Dark yet powerful.

Tani warned you to keep on your guard for that. She spoke of a  _ dark dimension _ , and asked if you would ever want to meet in person. This was the start of your real journey, one that would truly begin but a few years later.

~*~

Ironically, you had started your journey long before the man known as Stephen Strange had embarked on his; he was the Master, and you were but an apprentice. While you were a quick study in some regards, he had taken the cake. You did not feel any sense of resentment or jealousy about this. On the contrary, you felt more enthusiastic, seeing that a skeptic could become Master of the Mystic Arts. More than that, he had decided to use his abilities to help save Earth—not that many knew of his battle with Dormammu. Plus, your delay had meant that you were located in New York rather than Kamar-Taj.

As far as learning the Mystic Arts went, it was nothing as simple as picking up a book or waving some magic wand—that thought caused you to snort in amusement as memories of some of the fad accounts stirred. Drawing energy from other dimensions within the Multiverse was more than that, and you quite liked the prospect of this challenge if you were to be honest. Still, you better understood where Tani had been coming from when she had warned you of the Dark Dimension. You were grateful to have had her as your first mentor; the accident that had taken her life hit you hard in the gut every time though. You recoiled from the event as well as the way it had influenced your life. The lucid dreams had become more terrifying for you. Darker. That was precisely why you had admitted that you needed help, why you had ended up where you were.

Now you were beginning to feel more connected with the world around you despite the fact that it had expanded in ways that for years you had never thought it could. The endless possibilities did not leave you feeling small, and in some regards they had you healing from Tani’s death in a different way than you would have known before. The reaffirmation that there was so much more out there, just as Tani had said, it had solidified your desire to protect it. You could not sit idly by and do nothing.

The first step to your training had involved picking up a book. You had somewhat expected this after all of your time with Tani. You required not only a refresher on the very basics, but to better understand the history of the Multiverse and the Masters of the Mystic Arts who had come before Strange or Wong.

Texts on the Astral Dimension had been one of the first to quickly snatch up your attention. You couldn’t help but wonder how many of the social media account owners had truly studied Astral Projection in the real sense. How many of them had succeeded? You tended to smile at the thought. Knowing that there were more out there to choose the path similar to the one you were taking. Working to protect Earth from all sorts of threats that most in the world remained oblivious to.

“Just wait until the next volume. It gets even better.” You ducked your head a bit as Strange walked past you on his way out from the library. The man had clearly seen the goofy smile that had formed on your lips after you had lost yourself in thought. Your eyes retraced the sentence that you had mindlessly read. The sarcastic tone in his voice hit you then. He  _ knew _ that you had gotten distracted.

_ How long have I been on this page? _

Not that it mattered. You flipped back two pages instead to start at the beginning of the chapter. You often felt like more of an amateur than you were in comparison with Doctor Stephen Strange and Mater Wong. You  _ were _ an amateur, you reminded yourself. Except not as much as  _ he _ had been when he had first arrived at Kamar-Taj. You pursed your lips forward. The man was good looking and intelligent. A deadly combo in anyone’s book. He had your respect, that was for certain. And you? You had a crush. Thus it was difficult to not become flustered when he teased you, no matter his intention. Strange was known to have that same sarcastic tone when he spoke to other apprentices.

You lifted your gaze towards the door that Strange had left...from… He hadn’t left. The man was not facing you either. Instead he had paused and tilted his head. Unsure if he had seen that you had looked his way, you scrambled to lift up the music player that you had brought with you. Earphones in, you nevertheless heard him chuckle under his breath.

“You did tell me to work on multitasking,” you said. Your voice shook only at the beginning. Your cheeks, meanwhile, were hot the entire time that you spoke. Strange half-turned then, inquiring what you would be listening to. You lifted the player, displaying the screen. It was one of your more relaxing playlists, something to calm your mind. One thing that you had learned about the man was that he enjoyed music as well. When he had been a surgeon, he enjoyed listening to music during operations. His head was full of random trivia. Being able to have music in the background while focusing on something important, surgery or lessons, it was one of the things that the pair of you had in common.

Strange nodded his approval then walked out of the library, this time completely. You stared at the doorway for a few seconds longer then thumbed the  _ play _ icon on the device’s screen. You lifted up the book, which Wong had assured you would be most helpful, and plowed forward.

Another thing that you did in order to further your training was set aside an allotment of time each day to meditate. When you had first come, you had done so on a solo basis. You had felt a great sense of self-consciousness at the idea of meditating in a group setting. You had believed that it would make you feel exposed. You first wanted to adjust to your newer surroundings. To process the death that had so recently occurred. You wanted to explore what the loss had done to you, by yourself. The solitude provided by your room allowed for a perfect place, aside from the library, to study. It was equally right for meditation. Minimalistic, the room contained a bed, nightstand, and a wardrobe for your belongings. You hadn’t needed much. This helped you to focus more, setting aside materialistic possessions. Not that you didn’t still own any; you had some in storage with a family member who had had the extra space.

That particular individual had been skeptical of your decision to leave. Their voiced disapproval had not changed your mind or even caused you pause. It was what you had expected of them; they hadn’t even fully supported your choice to meet Tani that first time. That was not to say that the individual possessed a negative disposition. Until more recent years, doubt that there was life “out there” had been more prevalent. Now it was the belief that the Avengers could and would protect them that held them where they were. Any excuse, you reasoned, they would latch onto.

You smiled to yourself while sitting on your bed. Legs crossed, muscles relaxed. You closed your eyes and listened to the world around you. For this, your music player was tucked inside the drawer of your nightstand. You required peace. You found the silence between those natural noises, the ones that many took for granted. It was always these sounds that you grasped when you would return to your physical body on the handful of occasions that you had visited the Astral Plane. The first occasion had been an unconscious effort; you had been studying one of the texts and had fallen asleep. The shock, momentary panic, and the buzz of a fly beside the ear of your body had ended things rather quickly. Afterwards, knowing that you were plenty capable, you had willed yourself into calmness and lingered for longer periods.

Strange had spoken of his first experience when you had told him that you had felt disoriented. You would have liked to have met the Ancient One, although you were grateful that you had not had to endure a shock of that manner. Yet...it was not as though you had been the sort of skeptic that  _ he _ had been.

You pulled away from these thoughts, these distractions. You more often than not managed to subconsciously hold yourself back, namely on occasions when you let your mind race with thoughts of Stephen. Or thoughts of Tani. When it came to the latter, your fear of the Dark Dimension would come zooming forward. The experiences you had with lucid dreams would have you on your feet, walking away to instead read.

You were your own worst enemy. But that was true of anyone, wasn’t it?

When your soul entered the Astral Dimension, you did not stay directly near your body. It was in a safe place, otherwise you would not have dared this. Nor did you venture into locations such as another’s room. Master Wong had given you permission to enter the library when you wished to learn. This was still studying in a sense, you reasoned, and thus that was where you chose to wander. You paused after first entering past the door. Stephen Strange was slumped in a chair in the corner. He was sleeping, you noted.

You spared another glance in the direction of his slumbering form, smirked, and began to wander through the line of bookcases.

A moment later, you froze. “Oh.” Surprised, caught off guard. It was a wonder  _ shit _ hadn’t slipped after that first word. Strange was on the same plane as you. His stance suggested that he had been  _ waiting _ for you. Did he know your schedule? Or was this simply a coincidence?

“I think you’re ready for the next volume.” This man was not going to let you stand in your own way. And that was why you had come here, wasn’t it? Tani had never wanted your doubts to hold you back from realizing your true potential.

You looked to the bookcase that he was standing in front of. It held the book that you had been reading earlier. The space beside it was empty. That was when you recalled that Strange’s hand had been resting on a book as he ‘slept’. He wanted to help you.

“Teach me.” He opened his mouth, furrowed his brows, and released a somewhat strangled sound. You did what you could to hold back a smile. Yes, you had purposely chosen that phrasing. It was one of the things that Wong had shared with you about Stephen’s first meeting with the Ancient One, a detail that Strange himself had omitted.

Strange’s mouth settled into a smirk. “We’re going to have fun with this.”

You were not sure if that was a promise or a threat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Teach Me To Not Fear**

** _Part 2 of 5_ **

_ elmidol _

It became commonplace for you to seek out Master Wong’s advice and guidance on things you believed mundane whenever possible if it meant avoiding going to Doctor Strange. He was well equipped with suggesting what texts you would require to further your education. The man soon started gracing you with smiles that you felt were rather knowing. That, or you were paranoid and easily flustered over your attraction to Strange. Avoidance, clearly, was not going to get you far. The bottled up emotions and attraction caused your studies to begin suffering.

Somewhere out there in another dimension there was a you who had no fear. There was a you that was in a relationship with the guy you had a crush on.

There were also yous that you were never inclined to think about, and so you didn’t. You did like to think that the you in this dimension was the one that would ultimately be the combination of the aforementioned yous. Confident and in a relationship with Doctor Strange.

_ Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, _ you thought. Then pursed your lips over the fact that you had addressed all the endless possibilities of your existence. Before you had opened yourself up to the Multiverse, you had been told that such things were what those  _ out of touch with reality _ did. Rather ironic. You grinned at that thought, and felt better in regards to the nervousness that had flooded through you. It kept you grounded to know that you experienced emotions the same way no matter how far you were in your education. Becoming enlightened did not mean that you lost the person you had been. It was that you grew; you found the weaknesses that existed in you, and you bettered yourself.

More than once you had wondered what sort of person Doctor Stephen Strange had been before he had met the Ancient One. A quick internet search could have offered some answers. There was something to be had by allowing a person to willingly unveil their various layers. It generated more trust. It showed a respect of boundaries. This was not the equivalent of researching a physician who would be treating you; that variety of background check made sense, and it could potentially increase your chances of surviving whatever ailments were or might ail you. Creating a working and personal relationship with someone like Doctor Strange was something that had to be handled with more care.

As time went on, you learned that skepticism had kept Doctor Stephen Strange from advancing in the Mystic Arts when he had first put his mind to it. You were not a skeptic. And while you had managed to swallow down much of your fear, there always lingered that one element. The fear of failure, of losing yourself. You needed an anchor. Needed to have an appreciation for the physical world, for your Earth, as much as a love for the Multiverse and Astral Plane. Strange was aware of this, as was Master Wong. You continued to find it much easier to confide in the latter on these matters even though Master Strange had taken a personal interest in you as an Apprentice. Part of this lay in the fact that Wong kept a neutral face when you spoke to him. While Strange did so on occasion, you were becoming  _ too  _ well versed in his microexpressions.

On that same note, you were beginning to learn how to read Master Wong as well. Right now he was pleased as punch that you were finding some of the answers to your questions in reading one of the stories he had written about his journeys with Master Strange. One of the hypothetical situations that had sprung to your mind had caused you to again hold yourself back. As Master Wong reminded you, approaching with caution was not the same as avoidance. You really did need to stop doubting yourself, you thought as you raised your gaze from the page to smile at Master Wong.

"You've got a knack for writing," you said. Your words were sincere. You could easily get lost in a collection of short stories from this man. Learning by witnessing another's experience in any format was a useful tool. It was also showing you that the doubts you sometimes had were the same ones that others did. Specifically Masters Wong and Strange. Knowing that, as well as how to work through those obstacles, you felt as though a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders.

Another thing that you enjoyed about having the privilege to read these stories was that you were given a glimpse of Strange through Wong's eyes. This new perspective boosted your confidence in your teacher, which in turn gave you some self-confidence since you were learning from, in your opinion, one of the best.

One of the things you had more recently questioned had not been based solely on fear, but also a strong curiosity. How were fights in the Astral Dimension handled? Could they be more dangerous than battles with one's physical body? Or was the damage more contained?

Master Wong had a tale written for exactly that. Not that he had been present during this particular fight. All the same, he had written of one of Master Strange's earliest adventures. You idly wondered what had gotten the two men to discuss it in the first place. That part was not included in the story. Those missing details sometimes remained unanswered. On other occasions you mustered up the courage to ask Master Wong directly.

Just then you were not feeling up for a long conversation. You wanted to focus on the sense of peace you had gained now that a question had been answered. There was no need for you to vocalize this desire. Master Wong dipped his chin in a nod of farewell. He was well-versed in reading  _ you _ . You supposed that that had been a rather important skill as a librarian; to identify which individuals were most apt to cause trouble. From what Master Wong had told you once, the previous librarian had lost his head. You touched a hand to your throat whilst walking.

The familiarity of your room allowed you to further relax. You let your head tilt back, stared up at the ceiling. One of your greatest weaknesses was that you thought too much, or so Master Strange had said. He wasn’t wrong.

You pursed your lips forward and let air escape from between them. One way out of your head was to start training your body. You did this in numerous ways. The loss of a limb would not eliminate one’s abilities in the Mystic Arts. That was a lesson that had been taught to you by both Master Strange and Master Wong. Still, it did not hurt to keep your body in tip-top shape. Eating food that strengthened the body as well as heightened your senses. Exercising. Sparring with a few of the other apprentices. There were less than there had once been, than before Dormammu.

Damn. You were getting sucked back into your thoughts.

With a groan, you dropped to the floor and proceeded to do a set of pushups, which you followed up with some sit-ups. You should have stretched more first, you thought with a scowl. You paused mid sit-up and altered your position. It was not too late to do that. This, too, had been a lesson from Strange. Granted, Stephen had had the Eye of Agamotto. That was a bit like cheating...except for the right reasons. Usually. Did having a never-ending supply of soda count as a wrong reason? Also, on that same note, did that mean that you could eat an entire cake without it ever counting as more than one slice?

You actually did not want cake right then. Those trivial thoughts were what you did want though. Not psyching yourself out, not letting the fear build up inside of you.

A battle that took place on the Astral Plane would still require you to be able to defend yourself. Not just magics either; hand-to-hand combat, basic fighting techniques, those could help protect your life. And, given that you planned to defend the Multiverse, it would protect many lives beyond yours. You ran through a series of stretches, loosening the knots that had started to form in your muscles. Master Wong had given you a book the previous week that had instructed you on one of the forms of martial arts. You wanted to practice work on three blocking techniques you believed would most come in handy.

You adjusted your stance. That was important, having your legs in the correct position as much as your hands. Otherwise an opponent would easily be able to sweep you off your feet, knock you off balance. The Cloak of Levitation easily broke through your defense, grabbing your ankle and flipping you onto your back. Learning a way to avoid  _ that _ would be rather helpful. You shifted position, each maneuver becoming more natural to you. The fluidity of your actions revealed to you how disciplined you were; Master Wong had encouraged you to take note of your improvements, albeit to take care to not let it go to your head.

That was something that Master Wong liked to joke with you about. Master Strange had his moments when he could come off as arrogant. Other times his comments were strictly playful. You hoped to have that sort of balance.

When Master Strange asked you to join him on a walk later that evening, you obliged. You did have to admit that you were quite a bit nervous. Your attraction to the man had not faded, although you had been able to swallow it down when it came to being near him. The majority of the time, you were able to keep focused on the lessons. On these sorts of occasions, however, your mind liked to remind you that, in another setting, this would constitute something romantic. He was training you, not courting you, you reminded yourself whilst fighting to control your facial features.

“You’ve been improving.” His voice jerked you back to the present. It was difficult for you to tell if he was complimenting you or merely stating a fact, thus you settled for shrugging to acknowledge that you had heard him. “What had you so scared you didn’t want to try?”

You had never talked about Tani’s death aloud to anyone, not truly. Inhaling sharply, you dragged some of the fresh air into your lungs, and found yourself grateful that he had taken you away from the crowds, the buildings. As your mentor, this man had to know these things. A large part of you knew that. It was the knowledge that would keep him from pushing you over the edge. Possibilities were endless, which meant that there existed the possibility of you failing, of you falling. You pressed your hands together. Rubbed them, delaying. Master Strange did not rush you. That was one thing that you liked about him, he could be patient when you absolutely needed him to be.

“There was another person...like me. Someone that Tani reached out to.” You paused, pursed your lips, and backtracked to give him a brief history on your relationship with the woman. “That person was into deeper things than I was... _ darker _ things.” This was something that he would be able to understand, the man having faced Kaecilius and those like him. “I was told that she had gotten through to them, but… On the way back, there was an accident. It’s just the way people have described it. It didn’t  _ feel _ like an accident to me. Like maybe she didn’t succeed, maybe her death was…” Not knowing, you did not want to speak your fears aloud. That darkness could have consumed the individual to where they killed Tani when she was leaving. The witnesses had had mixed reports as to what had happened, what they had seen. This much you did reveal to the man walking beside you.

Stephen Strange turned his head and stared at you as though he could not comprehend something. “You’re afraid that  _ you _ will be lost to darkness as well?” Something he could not fathom although you knew he wasn’t being entirely dismissive. Maybe in another reality you had fallen. In multiple realities, you had never met Master Strange. Perhaps in one reality  _ you _ had been the one to cause Tani’s death.  _ That _ was what you were afraid of. That was what you struggle to say, because a part of you felt foolish for thinking it. “Sometimes it is not wrong to be afraid; the mistake is allowing that fear to paralyze you.”

You believed that you understood what he meant. Acknowledging a fear meant that you would work towards ensuring that it did not become reality. But you could not let it consume you so that it became a self-fulfilled prophecy nor something that held you from living life. The latter was its own sort of darkness.

The pair of you returned after grabbing a drink from a small shop. You wanted something to warm yourself, as the descending night had served to welcome a drop in temperature. Strange had not gotten a drink for himself. He had been quieter since you had opened up to him. Not an uncomfortable sort of silence, thankfully. He was wrapped up in his thoughts. You assumed he was working out how best to continue training you. There was such a thing as facing your fears, but so too was there being bombarded by them. If he pushed you too hard, that would not help you.

You were still sipping your drink when you started down the hall that would take you to your room. Another thing that remained along with your drink was the presence of Master Strange. You watched him in the corner of your eye. As always, your mind threatened to get the better of you; your thoughts were playing out numerous scenarios that could happen. Most of them ended with you embarrassing yourself. Finishing what was in your mouth, you cleared your throat and looked at the man in full. He glanced your way, started to look back forward, and then met your gaze. Neither of you stopped walking. The Cloak of Levitation was being rather...calm, you guessed you could say.

“You, uhm, don’t have to walk me to my room.” His lips started to move. It was very visible that he did not know how to respond. Your cheeks heated up; so much for  _ not _ doing something embarrassing. “You can though. I just… I don’t want you to feel obligated or anything.”

Where the man could sometimes be arrogant, he could also be chivalrous. You had no idea if he had been like this in his former life. From the hints that he had dropped, the man had been quite full of himself and had viewed many as inferior. The accident that had changed his life, it was not something that he looked on with disdain. That was another sign of his personal growth. It was, you supposed, a reason you found him easy to talk to.

“It didn’t feel like you had talked about her death before.” You felt the muscles of your abdomen contract. You bit down on the insides of your cheek, shrugging and trying to think of something to say. Trying, but failing.

It was sweet that he was concerned about you. Yes, the guy was your mentor, however you were, maybe wrongly, under the impression that he felt more than that for you. Not necessarily on the romantic scale. The two of you had been training together, you had opened up to him. That sort of personal connection surpassed the Master and Apprentice labels. It was the same way that Master Wong and Master Strange were friends. That was it, you noted. It was as a friend that he was concerned for you.

“I hadn’t,” you said in a quiet voice that wasn’t quite a whisper. Inhaling deeply through your nose, you heaved a sigh and gestured mindlessly in the air. “Not telling everything, I hadn’t.”

He blinked twice. The two of you had arrived at your bedroom door, which meant that the walking had stopped. Neither of you were making a move to open the door. Instead you both stood there on either side of its frame. Facing one another, periodically meeting gazes when not eyeing random portions of wall or floor. Now the silence was becoming thick and awkward. You opened your mouth, ready to say goodnight before things spiraled downwards. Instead you found yourself cut off, Stephen Strange beginning to speak about the Ancient One’s death.

You leaned against the doorframe as you listened to him. The revelation that the Ancient One had utilized the power of the Dark Dimension was not new to you, however it still threw you off balance. The loss that Strange and Wong had felt, the sense of betrayal that Karl Mordo had felt a powerful thing. The Ancient One’s death had had a huge impact on Master Strange, but so too did her life. And right then it created a connection between you and him.

“Drawing power from the Dark Dimension did not make her evil,” Strange said. You wrapped your arms around yourself. Dropped them back to your sides. Gripped your left arm with your right hand.

Master Strange started to reach towards you, his hand coming nearer to your face. Before the knuckle of his finger could brush under your eye, the Cloak of Levitation reached you instead and wiped away the tear that had formed. Now it was Strange who cleared his throat. He dropped his hand down to his side, said a quick  _ goodnight _ , and began to walk away. His pace was brisk. And you could have  _ sworn _ that you heard him chastising the Cloak.

You were still thinking about that moment, smiling at the memory, later in the night. You had managed to sleep for a while then had woken and couldn’t quiet your mind. The best way to utilize the time instead of mindlessly staring up at the ceiling was to practice martial arts...on the Astral Plane. You paused mid-move to glance at your body. It was as you were readying to begin again that you caught sight of Master Strange entering your room. He gave a nod and commented that he had heard you. He, too, was in Astral form.

The man knew your routine, your habits. He would not have entered without an invitation, without knocking, if he had thought for an instant that he was not welcomed. Your routine had become a part of his. These late-night training sessions were common on days when something emotionally taxing had occurred with you.

“No Cloak,” you commented, once more dropping into a fighting pose. Master Strange did not mimic these actions. He stood...floated there, staring at you. You straightened, your brow creased. Strange moved in closer. You would have held your breath if air had been necessary on the Astral Plane. Would have been rendered breathless when he leaned forward. His lips on yours felt different, you imagined, than they would in your physical bodies. He pulled back, watched your face. “I… We should train later.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t enjoy the kiss, that you hadn’t wanted it. It was that you were trying to process it as well as that you worried he would not kiss you for real. Worried that what if he did kiss you?

“You really need to get out of your head,” he said, an amused grin coloring his face. You relaxed a fraction. “We’ll train later. Get some sleep.” You stared after his retreating form, more and more thankful that he hadn’t let things end with your dismissal. You did not know how you were going to manage getting out of your head, though. It was hard to stop thinking about that kiss.


	3. Chapter 3

**Teach Me To Not Fear**

** _Part 3 of 5_ **

_ elmidol _

Ever since you had opened up to him while on that walk, Master Strange had ensured that at least one day out of the week the two of you made a point to visit a new place in the city. Museums had held your interest for a while. You had even gone to one on your own. Being more aware of your surroundings was never a bad thing. There was also the educational aspect of these visits. Different cultures, various creatures, there was so much to appreciate. This was the world you were striving to protect. Parks were next. Nature. Watching families together, birds and small creatures going about their day to day business.

There were more places, and yet there you found yourself at a park for a third time. The first two occasions you had been there on your own. You had walked to this location alone the third time as well, however Master Strange had sat down beside you on the bench. You had been people watching again. Seeing if you could spot familiar faces. Some were regulars, or at least had been present before. You didn’t comment on these observations to your mentor.

Master Strange placed a brown paper bag beside you along with a to-go cup that would be filled with one of your favorite drinks. You accepted it with a quick thanks, never once removing your gaze from the people in the park. Lifting cup to your lips, you took a drink and waited for him to speak first. In your peripheral, you were able to see that he was currently preoccupied with a squirrel that was running up and down several trees. It was rather active; had been for the majority of the time you had been there. It was funny how life went on between attacks from aliens and other threats.

“How did you sleep?” It was a fair question. Though less frequent, you had been having nightmares off and on. Last night you had managed to get a sufficient amount of sleep and could not remember what you had dreamed about. You told him this, earning a nod. “I wasn’t sure. You left earlier today than you have been.”

A smile tugged at your lips. “Master Wong will be helping me out later this afternoon with a project. I wanted to make sure my mind is clear for that.” Master Wong felt that you had progressed enough in your training that you would be granted additional responsibilities in caring for the sanctum. This was something that he would have discussed with Stephen Strange, which was why you did not feel a need to elaborate on the project.

He turned his head to look at you in full, however you continued to stare straight ahead. The two of you were still at that awkward stage in the relationship. There had been no kisses aside from the one on the Astral Plane. Stolen glances were occuring more and more. Locking gazes? That set your face on fire, and he became equally flustered. So instead the two of you gave one another food or drinks, occasionally texts, small things that helped the other or brought joy in some form. There had been nothing  _ officially _ labeled as a date, although if anyone wanted to be technical several of your trips with him had had nothing to do with your relationship as Master and Apprentice.

You started to open the brown bag, slipping your hand inside and smiling when you felt the warmth of the cinnamon and sugar coated soft pretzel bites. “Would you like to share?” you asked. You found that the question did not cause you grow self-conscious, and it rolled off your tongue easily. More and more, you were finding the same level of comfort that you had with Master Wong in your relationship with Master Strange, though the two were also different in nature. There was that added layer of potential romance here. You met his eyes with yours for a fleeting second.

The both of you stared directly ahead after that. You sucked your lips into your mouth, biting on them and holding in a smile. There was a greater sense of being alive when your heart was racing at it was right then. Drawing out one of the pretzel bites, you released your lips. Stephen Strange reached into the bag now that it no longer contained your hand. His grip would be more shaky than yours. That he grabbed one of the larger pretzel pieces had nothing to do with greed.

“What are you doing on Thursday?” You nearly chimed in with  _ Thor’s day? _ Instead you caught yourself. Those kinds of jokes had taken on a completely different tone ever since the attack on New York. The Avengers...Thor. Distracted by these thoughts, you failed to answer him until Strange repeated the question.

You shrugged. “What do you have on the schedule?” A sip of your drink. Another bite of pretzel. You had to meet his gaze completely, because he was not answering you. “Oh.” You almost choked upon realizing that he was asking you on a date. There was no more dancing around it. “Uhm… What did you have in mind?”

“Is that a  _ yes _ ?” You smirked to yourself, also to tease him. It drew a smile from him as you had known it would. He gave a subtle shake of his head in amusement over your decision to not explicitly say that you would go. Both of you knew that these plans were going to be seen through. You were afraid to label it as anything, to officially call it a date where anyone would be able to overhear. Such stupid, simple fears...the kind of fear that was more anticipation than anything. Caution. There was no need for Master Strange to lecture you on fear, not with this. “It won’t be local.”

This statement reminded you of one of the first lessons you had when he had initially taken you on as his personal apprentice. He had created a portal, and thankfully had gone with you. You had been able to make portals as well, just not quite as easily as he could. That was back when your fear made you hold back. Now you were more confident, and you were certain that if the lesson was repeated, you would be demanding he increase the challenge of it.

“Will I have to dress up?” At the time that you asked this question, you were not sure what you wanted the answer to be. There was so much he could be offering in either case. New experiences. Plenty of sights that you had never yet beheld. Any of it would enrich your life.

Stephen Strange did not answer you immediately due to his mouth being full of one of the cinnamon and sugar pretzel bites. You decided to take that time to grab another one for yourself. They were still warm. The sweetness made your drink taste a little more bitter, however those flavors complimented one another in the best of ways. He answered the question as you were swallowing your food. More casual wear for this first  _ venture _ \--you had to hold in an amused snort at that term--would be best.

“There will be time to change afterwards before dinner.”

Oh-ho. You blinked several times as you fully digested the meaning behind those words. This was not going to be a quick date. Not some simple dinner-and-a-movie kind of gig. He had asked what you were doing  _ Thursday _ without specifying a time. There was a chance that this would be an all-day experience. The very thought had the muscles in your legs tightening, as though your body was ready to spring into action out of excitement.

The pair of you sat in a comfortable silence after that, both of you indulging in the pretzels. He had brought a drink for himself as well, and you did not fail to note that neither yours nor his seemed to run out.

He had work to do in the late afternoon, early evening, and so you returned after parting ways with him. Master Wong was once more in the library. He had food with him, a light lunch. You couldn't help but notice he also had an mp3 player, which meant he was likely listening to a song or artist Master Strange had referenced. He shut of the music when he saw you waiting for him. You had the man’s undivided attention for the remainder of the day, and he yours. The duties that were being assigned to you would keep you rather busy. This was a fact that brought you joy instead of unease. Keeping active helped to pull you out of your thoughts, and you could not help but notice that you were growing more comfortable with your abilities as a result instead of fearing them.

Making it to Thursday was easier now than it had been in the past. You were also sleeping rather soundly at night. There were less and less nightmares plaguing you. Master Wong and Master Strange had their own ways of assisting you, both of them equally effective and rewarding.

You awoke slightly sore on Thursday morning. The previous day had seen you moving numerous boxes and books. Taking shortcuts for those chores never interested you. You took the tasks as character building experiences on top of strengthening your muscles. It was nothing that a hot shower wouldn’t fix. The steam rose from the floor of the shower as you stood underneath the spray to rinse the shampoo out of your hair. The toothbrush you had used at the beginning of the shower was in the sink. You had thrown it out, and would fix it while drying off your body. The passing few days had allowed you ample time to pick out what outfit you would be wearing during the day. When it came to what you would change into later for dinner, that you were unsure. There were three contenders, although all of them you worried wouldn’t fit with whatever it was Stephen Strange planned.

So as to not stress yourself out any further before the date, you shoved aside those worries and walked out of your room. Both you and Strange had agreed on a meeting place and time. The pair of you would grab a light breakfast on your own. You settled for something more nutritious that would also offer steady energy throughout the day. Master Wong strongly encouraged you to take care of your body in terms of diet as well as exercise. He had introduced you to several new foods, some of which you had never heard of previously. That was not what you ate for breakfast on that Thursday, yet you thought of two specific dishes as you sat down to eat.

It came as both a surprise and nothing surprising that when you met up with Stephen--he encouraged you to call him by his first name on this date--that he was dressed in the outfit he wore most days. He had to be ready at a moment’s notice to fend off an attack. Hopefully that would not happen today. You had been waiting for far too long to have a date with him. Being selfish in these hopes was not unwarranted.

“Good choice in shoes,” he said. You were not sure if he was being playful, honest, or both. “You are well prepared for today.” Both. Definitely both.

The first place he took you to proved that this was different than your previous trips with him. It was personal. You stood there, sort of shell-shocked, as he described the car accident. The curve of the road. This you walked along after ensuring no vehicles were coming. He walked beside you while recounting his mindset. It was a story he had told you before, this part of his past. It had greater impact now though. Not just the accident itself. What caused it. The phone call that he had been taking at the time, the way he had been refusing to take on a patient that would likely drop his success rate. He was such a different man now. He took risks that he would have avoided in the past. He was less self-centered.

“Were you alone afterwards? Any friends to help?” This was a part that he had never much touched upon. His silence now told you that he had not been completely alone. Your stomach seemed to swim. There had been someone he had been romantically involved with before and after. “Well…”

He sort of smirked at you, at the way you had started to change the subject. “We’re more...friends now. I was not the easiest person to be around. I’m surprised she stayed as long as she did.” This level of honesty did not bother you like you had feared it would. Speaking of exes was generally a  _ do not do it _ sort of gig when entering into a new relationship. In this situation, though, it was helping you to understand him more. To appreciate anew the openness. He had not been with anyone else since in this kind of setting. Which meant the way he was sharing his experiences and, to a degree, his feelings was foreign to him.

The other woman, Palmer, had been one of the doctors to work on the Ancient One before she passed away on the table. Prior to his accident and training, Stephen had looked down on her as an inferior. If he had still been that sort of a person, you doubted that you would have found him as anything more than physically appealing. This man in front of you viewed Palmer as a capable woman. The same way that he was viewing  _ you _ as an equal of sorts.

You looked again towards where he had said the car had flipped. The near-death experience hadn't been enough to mend his ways either. It had you thinking of Tani, of her accident, and how you remained unsure of its cause. If she had lived, would she have walked away unscathed emotionally? You would have stuck by her, as would have her other friends. Tani had always been so kind where Stephen had not. You were grateful that Palmer had not given up on him right away, that she had endured his brutality and helped shape him into the person he was today. You found that you could not be jealous of her in those regards.

“She sounds like she was a good influence on you,” you said. When you smiled, it was not forced nor bitter. You were more at peace now that you understood the man you were with. Stephen’s shoulders relaxed. It had not been obvious that he had tensed until that point.

He became even more at ease after the two of you walked through the portal and arrived at the next destination. The cherry blossom festival was more date appropriate than the site of the accident had been in terms of romance. The former had, though provided a sense of comfort that would have been otherwise absent. Chaos and peace. The subtle changes in life. One moment, one decision, could alter one’s life forever. Here you were standing amongst beauty.

The atmosphere was somewhat similar to when you had sat on the park bench with him. People, some single and others with family or in groups of friends, were enjoying themselves and the nice weather. For some, this was the first time that they had been at a cherry blossom festival. You loved seeing their expressions.

“There are so many things I used to take for granted.” Stephen was walking beside you, which allowed him to hear your words without you having to raise your voice at all. Countless other conversations were occuring. It was not unbearable, not too loud. “There’s a lot I don’t want to put off anymore.”

“Perhaps we should take it a day at a time.” Teasing. You snorted, shaking your head and grinning. “We have a lot that we can do here.” Tilting back your head, you stared up at the blossoms that were on the nearest trees.

Dinner was not set in stone as far as where you would go; this much he told you when your stomach grumbled. Eating a small lunch had always been the plan. At the same time, Stephen did not want you to feel overwhelmed. He had not been certain how you would feel after he took you to the scene of the accident. Furthermore, a festival such as this one was to be enjoyed in full. Having to rush because of a reservation for dinner would have taken away from the experience rather than build on it.

After grabbing something to eat and drink, the two of you moved closer to the music that was playing. The man’s knack for knowing facts others would consider random proved to impress you. You listened to both him and the music. Learned of its origins, the stories behind the instruments. It had you wondering if he ever slept at all. It also allowed you to understand how easy it had been for him to grow such an ego. His mind fascinated you as much as the facts did.

“Did you ever want to play an instrument?” you asked. “Before you became a surgeon, after… Did you ever want to?”

“Professionally, you mean.” You nodded and looked at his face. “I enjoyed my work, the attention it brought. It would not have been the same.” That might not have been a negative thing except for the fact that you would likely have never met the man if he had. And maybe Dormammu would have succeeded. The smallest change alters everything. An ant, a mouse. “We can have dinner here. Or come back for the fireworks.”

“Oh, I definitely want to watch the fireworks here tonight.” Your eyes shifted to the sky, though it was still light outside and filled with the sun. You could picture how the fireworks would look. The additional beauty along with the scent of the cherry blossoms. “This is perfect.” In your peripheral, you could have sworn you noticed him smiling as he stared at you.


End file.
